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Twenty One

Understanding

The sub-conscious mind Gaining understanding

Very little of illness, growing pains are understood. inappropriate actions, mostly are considered the person is seeking attention, this may be true to an extent but in reality, not true at all. Attention seeking is a term created by people who have little or no understanding of the effects of trauma on us as children. Usually as a result of their own traumatic past and their lack of desire to re-visit it.

We people only become ill by what we see or hear - we could include touch, however most often this is to late as the eyes have already registered the action -  in the formative (Up to 21) years of our lives – or leave the parental home (which ever comes first) – choosing illness as a last resort to gain understanding.

Pain/illness, inappropriate behaviour is designed by a traumatised person to gain understanding that was lost within or not given following a trauma. So often, the person responsible for the trauma is unaware - as a result of their own Psychological damage - they have inflicted a trauma on us as children.

Ultimately, we are responsible for allowing the situation to affect us by changing our parameters, (the way we run our life.) without life’s experience to judge against or aware us of what changes – without realising - we have made.

In the pursuit of understanding to resolve the trauma and subsequent sensitivity, the mind uses any tools that it can, to bring about an understanding, including creating physical pain and illness as well as psychological disturbances...  If there is no resolution from and by the now negative/destructive and significant people in our lives, then illness ensues.

Because, when the trauma occurred, we did not have life experiences, to enable us to resolve the trauma. Then, with all the parameter changes we make, we become excusers. We still do not have the ability to resolve it, because of one very basic factor. Through our actions in pursuit of finding somebody who CAN understand; that understanding has to be very very very specific; when the patient/sufferer does not, cannot, will not tell, so the person to understand can understand without the sufferer saying a word. 

These are all symptoms – there are many more - of a person seeking understanding.

What do I have to do!

Please others.

Use pain illness then I will be understood!

The only tool left to get understood!

Illness and pain are the means by which I will gain understanding.

Understanding for what?

Why they can no longer follow a true path of pleasure, they look to the perpetrators and then any one who will listen, to give them the answer to traumas. Hopefully enabling traumatic events in our mind to be resolved and the individual, more closely follow that path.  If that over riding programme becomes more and more difficult the person suffers fear, anxiety and stress, which in turn causes the mind to become more determined to the point of desperation, “what the heck do I have to do to get understanding here?”

Become ill, become more ill, do something bizarre

(People who cannot stop talking) Take Drugs, drink lots of Alcohol, dye hair some colour or other, install Nails in various and many parts of the body, Run away from home, etc, etc, etc. And finely create an illness that defies the best of medical science at best or takes our lives before our time and always at the most inconvenient time.

Example;

Seven years or so following marriage a couple start to argue, so often the argument is over something silly, soon/never forgotten. A familiar story, the marriage breaks down, sometimes neither party really know the reason, blaming one and other.

What has really happened is one or both it does not matter which, have made the other into their punitive person (punishing) the subconscious idea being to force the other party to understand.

How often have we heard in a harsh exchange of words “You do not understand?” Within the confines of our traumatised mind we make a partner into a punitive person to recreate traumatic events created by the real punitive person – say our Mother or Father – it could be any one or more of any of the people in our life. Mother, Father, Grand Parents whether we knew them or not, Aunts, uncles, Brothers, Sisters, Teachers, Doctors and we nowadays must include second, third and even forth generation Aunts and Uncles or perhaps better said; Mum or dads New partner and their families.

Of course the other party cannot possibly understand - although they try their best - an event separated from the present by so many years. The more the now punitive person tries to demonstrate they understand, the more the understanding will be denied.

This is where psychological game playing comes into force. The person seeking understanding Asks a question, the punitive person replies as best as they can, The seeker asks the same question again, with a subtle alteration to the words, the Replier answers again as best as possible, this goes on for a period of time , as long as three weeks, but could be longer. The question is still basically the same, yet for the listener it sounds quite different. Once more the reply is made with integrity believing the answer to be that as required. The seeker then turns on the replier and states you have contradicted yourself, “Three weeks ago you said!!! The question was never designed to be answered; more it was designed to place the punitive person into a position where they must now understand. How on earth can the replier understand such a demand, from here the breakdown of the relationship starts?

This is a scenario post twenty one or leaving the parental home, it is the same at what ever age you care to apply it to.